One of the great tv characters from my teenage years was an affable postal worker who often frequented a dark, dingy Boston pub after completing his daily mail route. That's right, I’m talking about Cheers’ very own Cliff Clavin. While Sam, Diane, Woody and Norm completed the show, Cliff really made the show, in my opinion. He was the most quotable character in the series, and I find that he continues to make his way into some of my conversations even today.
My favorite episode involving Cliff was one of the few that took place almost entirely away from the bar. It was the episode in which Cliff was a participant on Jeopardy. As the classic know-it-all, it was Cliff’s destiny to be a jeopardy champion. As a contestant, this was confirmed when he laid his eyes on the categories of his “Dream Board”, which included “Civil Servants”, “Stamps of the World”, “Mothers and Sons”, “Beer”, “Bar Trivia”, and “Celibacy”.
Going into final Jeopardy, Cliff had amassed $22,000, compared to his nearest competitor’s sum of $400. The category was Movie Trivia. The ever-confident Cliff didn’t hesitate to place his bid, knowing that his fate was soon to be sealed as one of the greatest Jeopardy champions of all time.
(Spoiler Alert!!!)
As luck would have it, Cliff did not know the correct answer. The show host, Alex Trabek, consoled him, reassuring him that even though he got the answer incorrect that he would be fine, as only a complete moron would wager the entire amassed fortune, knowing that he was guaranteed a win with a conservative bet.
Long story short, Cliff did wager the entire amount, losing the game by a narrow margin. He returned to Cheers, despondent and humiliated, but defiant in knowing that, while it wasn’t the answer that they were looking for, he nonetheless gave a correct question to that Final Jeopardy answer. And now, whenever I don’t know the answer to a question that should be a slam dunk for me to know, I can respond with, “Who are three people that have never been in my kitchen”. (You have to watch the episode to understand what the heck that means.)
Not long ago as we were eating breakfast, my 10 year old, Tyler, starting flipping around the box of Cap’n Crunch cereal, obviously looking for something. He was searching to see which company manufactured that brand, as it was no where to be found on the front or top panel of the box in the customary spots. I directed him to the bottom of one of the side panels where there was the distinctive icon of the Quaker company. He looked puzzled as he considered it for a moment.
Thinking out loud, he wondered why in the world anyone would choose Quaker as a company name for a food manufacturer and distributor.
He then launched into a 3 minute monologue on the history of the Quakers. I would quote it here, but I can’t really remember anything that he talked about. Something about religious freedom, King George, and the original 13 colonies. He wasn’t doing it to show off - he was genuinely confused as to how the Quakers became associated with sugared breakfast cereal, given their history of pacifism and religious tolerance. Jaylynn and I just sat there, looking incredulously at each other, as we listed to his early morning history lesson.
Is this how Cliff Claven got started? As a young 10 year old boy did he dazzle his friends and impress his family with random tidbits of information on a wide array of topics? Will I one day find myself screaming into the television set, “Tyler, NO! Don’t you dare bet it all! You can’t possibly know anything about Byzantine-Era cathedral architecture!!!”
And you know what? It won’t surprise me one bit when he does bet everything and proves, once and for all, that he does actually know it all.
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